The secret 7
1)Me and You.
Would you have your effect upon me, would I becomes something else around you, if I was ale to speak the name f the connection? Possibly not. My life might be totally patterned by you. Everything I am might then be the product or the creation of what did happen between us, and yet I must present it is the truth.
At one extreme my entire life is clearly defined by your life. I am a poor pensioner of rich elatives or the creature of a company. What I am is what I am allowed o be, but I must ignore the fact. I must rather say to you or to myself oh well – what fun, and carry on as if all the nonsense was nothing is particular. Or again I might e a wicked old crone and yet my appeal to my own celebrity is enough to demand that you behave yourself or better that you behave is a certain way. I demands then you flirt and will not be brooked if you do not. Go one you must want to.
The art of being between us is a strange art therefore. the entire ethic of human responsibility with it horrid and yet sweet poison charms denies it and has the master. That which is between us is everywhere. And yet we cannot say so. H we can invent meaningless little words such as virtues or vices or wider hold all such as societies to either model us in the world or the world in us, and yet these words must only be thought of as a passion and can only be thought of in terms of what I am or what a we that is so watered down is that it is meaningless.
Or again we might nod and talk of the finally and the workspace but the latter is usually rather abstract (and covers a multiple of sins) while the former is ‘blessed’ and rendered useless and idiotic in the blessing. The point is that neither of these sharing or space and pooling in minds are as rare was we sometimes pretend – that in between state they induce is he normal and not the idiocy of responsibility.
Note this does not mean weather humans are reprogrammed by events not act nor yet that responsibility is based on the contrary we act, we originate and create (half the meaning of responsibility) or avoid and partially chose (the other half) within a rich and very flexible social situation. We are at on our most powerful in that odd place beyond our self. This is were we have responsibilities and social connections, and not in the empty puerile husk of the body or the blind groping of the autistic mind. We wok as social creature like ants or better which aphids, up in each others stick.
God rot individualism therefore (or better God let us realize who perplex with the rest the individual already ): A Secret fact of us and each other, we dare not speak the name of.
2) The secrete of events in action.
If something happens where is that happening? To act as in evens is to appeal to a world beyond a you and me. I is to last open to a world caught n a double move. One the one hand each event will demand event as it is acting to be what matters events claim in the stripy ways of things to be the order the actuality the truth of things. An event therefore is what is real. And yet what that reality is bleeds across myriad minds. Our world is given in the forcing and refocusing of events, events that only have truth in what we are. Events therefore clearly serve their masters in two ways. Each event taken in itself is the point that problematic other events. I is the point that other masters are rendered useless and pathless. The point then that one runs towards others an because one also is changes their nature or demands that their nature is changed. My events makes or challenges the mastery of al other events, they must now conform to this event, then must allow for it and reckon with it. They cannot simply ignore it not.
But on the other hand each event itself is a shifting effect in time and as ordered as chaos itself. it lacks a pattern or a rhythm it is merely there. What it is, is therefore never clear and never fixed. Ach vent is the lack of fixing itself . or better it is the fact that what each of us think we know of the event is different. our take on it is always as a different. This difference is then enough o remake the event. In thinking it has a power because we cannot agree. that is because we already are acting upon our own supposition. This poison then ensures that we take it up differently.
Vent become therefore the moment you and I cannot trust each other or cannot hear each other anymore. Speak to the hand the brain is not listening.
How can we listen to ea h other when our take on the event of your own lives and the event within them is so very different? Where could we listen to? And you should we listen at all?
Events challenge any attempt at a ready unity in the mind. We are simply not on the same mind trip and we know it. And yet they can only do so at the cost on imposing at two levels a unity of their own.
One the level of the world the world truth is thinkable in the untruth of events. That is in their ability to take up and change, in the fact they we cannot agree about their nature our truth as such is given.
But also elsewhere (and it must always be elsewhere) there is another truth that ensure that even if the events are different they always at some point be focussed. what this is doing to you is known only to you alone, but in the result in the effect I welcome to know it, even if that knowledge is given in a new event.
Events therefore can be focussed there is a point in which their creative difference resolves and the universe moves on. Their power to divide and create in the division is therefore contained elsewhere in what brings them together – in that secret coagulation they have which makes this universe (and not that one).
The secret of events is then that they are not as radically as they what to appear…
30 the secret of events to us;
We plot and we plan. We mean things to fall upon each other. We might not know or even care over much what then happens, or how those events work out in each other, so long as they do. the are therefore engines to plan events. We plan and act. Something exists to the material world. Something has happened.
But this something happening is rather tricky. It is not clear hat it has happened or even what has happened. Or better it is not clear exactly where any event has fallen and who has run with it and who has avoided it. Or perhaps better what has avoided it.
I act therefore nobly or oddly or idiotically or just as myself. I at and I look in your space in my mind for your reaction. I fact in the knowledge that you are going to respond to that action. I act therefore expecting to create something in your world. I ac in the knowledge I cannot know is advance what I let in. I a merely assuming that I will let something in.
and yet you are not listening. Your are blind or you have disappeared. My action therefore does not fall on stony ground, but rather falls away falls to noting. Or better my action enters the wrong world. m great an noble gesture becomes the mere topic of a diner conversation while you see it not or have disappeared already from possibility.
My mind is therefore full and I mean really full of act on to do and actions done, but your mind might not realize it. You are blind to the nuances of what I have said and when I have done something. You see only you own concerns. Or better and even more problematically to see only the way you reach towards a me. You only how you effect me in affects on sharing of elements which is less at events and more before or after them. I mean the mystery of affects is that we are always already caught in them our smell is enough for me – I am already there is I smell or see or even taste you (in the wind. I am already in the past or the passion, already exchanging and nothing can stop this fact.
My mind is therefore always opened t your and not necessarily at event. I do not look to the big action or know what to do with it. You might act, but perhaps I cannot listen. I am not just not there, but also and even more complicatedly not able to listen and hold down what or who I am . I am the denial of the complexity- the running scared away from the already there. I am what does not (quite) hold that line.
Actions therefore are a doubling of a secret. The event work as an outside which pitches itself against a… how it is taken up and where it goes in is he secrete in every soul. It might go on nowhere- you might not listen or it might allow something uncalled for as a mind apparently not involved runs with it . Bt also I might not be able to respond to your big event. Perhaps I cannot listen to it. Perhaps then my life is kept as it is what it is my keeping the event s as a secrete to me. Or rather my secretes my hiding myself is enough to avoid your secret act of communication. I this then enough to hide you r events. My secretes and your act which his meant to have secrete effects might then be blind to each other. The secrete of being already there, and being caught n this need not separate together – a fact which itself a secret.
4) the secrete of us.
It is hen the power of the affect to be already there. it is the strange thing about love, we never meant to do it. We never meant to fall in love. We really did not want to. Why would we want to you and I. It is going to bugger up everything. we would not be lovers if we had the choice.
Nor is meaningful to describe love in terms of event. Oh the way you nod your head or curl your hair or look might be enough t spark a something in me. But this something’s not dated and known, it is rather a moving something that is already there already responding. The secrete of the affect the secrete close to the heart of the affect.
This secrete is that I cannot be myself ever entire I cannot even feel as me. I only feel as I do I only have the passions I do in looking to a you. You become my secret. And yet this secret is not event in the sense it is nothing you clearly do, it is closer to your very being. Your are and I are enriched. My knowledge that somewhere there is you is enough. That somewhere inspires a love.
On a more prosy level the smell of what a you is feeling the looking the tone of an expression is enough to communicate a something to me. Y challenge is then always where I came in on that something, how I respond to it. How I allow for the fact that I am already caught by it.
Am I daunted by it?
Am I fascinated in it? Am I entrapped? Where will I go now.
Perhaps he fury s already mounting…
The secrete here is then that you have before you ever opened you mouth, before you thought of yourself in acing, you were there effect and affect a me. I now or felt your present. and yet To the you hat I speak to, to the one that’s really there, as the nice world of society understands it this is necessarily hidden. How can I say that I am effected by you without dissolving into… Worse than that my saying it, my allowing words to encase the meanings will also control the effect that it will vanish. and affect is the secret words dare not say as much as it is the secrete that that events do not describe. It is my screw in the thinking of us. A Secrete that as it is always in you can take the Pair of us to the darkest or the weirdest of place, places neither of us wanted ever to go to!
5) The secrete of words.
What do my words really mean to you? Do they mean anything? Are you listening? I say hen one thing - perhaps I hold a one thing in my head? Perhaps.
But then again perhaps not – words need not work like that.
The joy and difficulty of speaking is that the entire enterprise is multi-faceted and yet complete. T have a world to say a word in the being inning is enough to pattern a meaning therefore. It is enough. And yet and yet and yet….
We assume in hearing each other we know what the other is saying and where and when they are thinking as or what they are and do. We suppose we already are there and already know what we know.
We suppose as much
We think as much.
And yet the point is that we cannot. The same constellation of words will always open to other meanings. These other meanings are neither quite my paranoia nor yet you blind fantasy. They are not quite ether. They are so much harder than that. So much more complex and intricate.
We speak and hear at many levels and always will.
And yet of course at this point it all becomes so very tricky. The setoff double meanings I use and the set you use need not be the same. We really need not have the same dynamic of meaning or same set of ambivalences. A third party will of course have yet another set and so on. Our words therefore are always complex constellation even for us, but this complexity opens always to other galaxies other unties of the same world and other stars of meaning that are only partially shared with our particular series of meanings.
What we think as we speak is caught upon the vortex of meaning - it is never clear to anyone what any of this means – least to any one speaker, any on me. And perhaps least of all to the author….
6) The secrete of fascination:
fascination is the strangest of things. A person might be fascinating but then so is a company or time. One is fascinated in the richness of not being able to tell what is going on. Or better in the links and loops in the very interconnections. To fall into he secret of fascination is therefore to be absorbed in an apparently secret world of spies and codes and extra dimensions. Who knew what felt what and when becomes the key.
ones only one eightieth the truth, seven eight lies elsewhere. Or rather it does not lie elsewhere if that where is thought to be a simple structures, or hidden meaning. The elsewhere is rather in the effect of communication which each move opens to he others. My least action or slipped world or watched glance is then enough to communicate or open out a meaning. Even more than that you can bully a me by merely sighing at the right place and in the right time. You sigh I feel bad.
The world is then a welter of such odd or extra communication, which cannot easily be cracked, and we are endlessly caught in their fiction. And caught in three ways.
Firstly we are always embedded as liver or researcher in the fascination of your times. That is in the impossibility of holding down where or what we are. I the running from event to event and affect and back again. We are held in the connection and communicate with the best.
Secondly we are caught up in the series of swapped communication fascination brings. If I communicate a feeling to you whose then is it? My beauty is in your eye so perhaps it is your all along? Where else can it be but in you in fact? What else should it be? you and your thoughts me and my thoughts we are given over in the same feeling communicated and you is to own it. To be fascinated is therefore to loose ones own identity in a feeling. It is to feel the feeling pooled or rendered more complex in the process.
Thirdly to fascinate is to fixate. If my fascination draws me into a you then all kinds of shames and all kinds of feeling might emerge. I might find it next o impossible to hold what I am down or think of myself otherwise. I might. Life might become very difficult or very foetid. My fascination might be your chance to bully or my ruin.
These secrete then of being caught on the social whirl(d) is dangerous one, and can very easily ensure all of us are no better than …
7) the secrete of my shame.
When all is said and done how can one be anything other than ashamed of ones own life?
What else could one be? think of the lies the squalid secretes the double meanings the addition optional extra one has been forced to this or to feel. Shame is the strange consequence of affects and events. One looks upon one actions and sees them for what they are a pretence. Te problem is not that one pretends – for what is life anyway bit such pretence? Affect and events are nothing more. The trouble of shame come when on is forced to forget this last fact. This the problem of shame opens out when one is forced to drew the effect and affects one had in the world as one was apart of things into an individual orbit. That is when whatever events force one to act responsibility and at act accordingly. This point is sure to happen at something point of other in a life- and how can one react to it but in shame.
The action that one did which spliced together ones own sense with others will as they are bought to bare on such a synthetic self appear wicked and reprehensible. This wickedness if of complicated by the addition of vanity. One looms at ones effect from the position of oneself and gloats at ones power. but that gloating is merely an adjunct. It makes things the worse and makes the shame more intense, it do snot invent it.
To take responsibility for the sins of the world is to feel their shame, that is it is feel the extra the weights of all the shift in meaning beyond a human and feel this shift in a networks of I wish I had done things differently – I wish I might be different. It opens out then conservation with oneself and with others where one attempts to apologize for what has not been n d what only might be. one acts therefore to break affects (for good or ill) or run from events. One acts…
Shame therefore spawns itself nit he wound of assumed responsibility. It is not always malignant. And can be necessarily and valid, but one always need to watch the gloating power that comes with it, a destruct it ownership of what it actually has no right to.
Shame is a secrete hidden because when drawn out and spoken it is too ludicrous for words, but that does not mean that it is always useless…