Pa’s Daughter and fates Lodger: - a lesson in geography
Shallowness and Depth
1)Where does what lies between us lie? This problem starts as a of depth or level. Two poles are clear enough.
2)What lies between us might be caught up in the mystery of the expression – is gauzy fleshy enigma you broadcast to me what you think 9or perhaps something or you thought) by the myriad moods your face registers.
3)And they this gaudy enigma s complex and problematic. It does not seem t want to mean anything. Why should it? The power of the expression is not to great feelings of meaning. Feelings of constancy. It is rather to register a whole sequence of fleeting change.
4) I my change I catch you in the torrent that is me.
5)Why should you ask me to be constant? How can you do that to a me? W
6)it would be since for you, but not really what I am ? I am the torrent of different feelings, and hard won enigmas of feelings.
7) Your ambivalence in looking at my face I therefore quite real enough. I am enigmatic at he best of time. What I can grows out of those half feeling I Have, and you reaction to these feelings.
8)I am given in your flirting, in your watching.
9)Why then do you ask me to be a nature in such a giving/
10)The face, in its unreadable as readability ( I think that way that expression), caches up others in the complex strains of becoming one or other humans. It allows one human to communicate and sweep another up in their own stormy enigma.
11) It is an exchange who exchange reflects the torridness ness of the nature. Nothing is actually given But every is exchange.
12)More than this of course to give you a feeling in my face is of course to have changes it for a me.
13) Hw could it be otherwise.
14) the effect of you and your face makes this feeling not the same.
15) I might be torrid in myself an through my fantasy, and yet with you by my side this torrid nature is improved and added to.
16)I might then be torrid but as I reflect A you this I am also tempestuous. I cease to master my own feelings- I become caught in your reactions.
17) My picture as enigma comes then back to a me in your reflection of it – in your fleeting expression.
18)I cannot therefore be anything other than a fleeting image of feelings, which once I communicate then to you, and you reflect them clarified and change.
19) The face lies beyond us. In the technique of feelings which could always pull many direction, a and be wrapped up I ,many words and phases.
20)The Face communications, but I does not communicate a verbal series of feelings. It rather in communicates uses the half reflected feelings mirrors to build its world. We nod or smile together. We feel.
But then what do we feel? Where do we feel? How do we exchange? Or to put it slightly differently where is the pattern or limit to such an exchanges series of feelings?
1)the problem here is rather complex as there is no real limit.
2)You act, I react and then you ac again (or visa versa). We pull expressions at each other in passive idiocy for years and years and years.
3)The problem here is not that communication cannot go one, but rather what world beyond is own does it live in?
4) I means we go and go one, and yet nothing need happen.
5) Nothing need be meant by any of it. My might not even be communicating.
6) More than this the exchange might then be generalized beyond the immediate face.
7)I might act in numerous little ways I might build up a life though your actions and my thoughts on those action, and you might respond.
8) We form the a blind cell.
9) We need each other reacting.
10) And yet this cell does no itself have a name or a value.
11) Nor is it complete and riveted down. Each of us are free to leave it a times (and will).
12) Hen together we are then caught u in an echo chamber where none of actions seem simple any more. They all have implication of the others mind. They lead into others thoughts and round about to others minds. They lad somewhere.
13) And yet are each point they also lead nowhere. I do not know what you are in this exchange. In a sense its very power to inhabit a life in which we are means that you are a mystery to me. You are after all never fixed and never complete. You run into a me as something unfinished and inexact.
14)If you take live e of acting together to make that life matter – but what should we do it? How can we do it/
15)Nor would this life necessarily go anywhere or even lead to anything. To change in this manner unless you and I are gas permeable, we will work by irritation.
16)You provoke me to be different and that is that.
17) Bu will I like the difference?
18) Will I be able to keep it when you are not their?
19) Will the depth you face me into become a crystal in my own mind, set in a prism or merely a single odd journey I warp up in an existing passion…
The body weave.
But if we never can know where we are going. If to call where one I am going changes then nature of that journey, then will we ever be able to define really define the point the exchange can happen at. If could merely be bodily attraction/ or it might be that with you the fantasy of a life opens up? How does one know? Or perhaps how does one know what stops one being able to decide between these thoughts and feelings?
Each clearly need to be looked at in turns.
1)Between you and me and is clearly something – there are bodies. W share them. I am here hen in my splendid frame of muscle and rigid bone. I am therefore inexorable and fixed. I am me. Here. And you will need o allow for the fact.
2)How can you not noticed it?
3) And yet there you are being you as well – and I too will need to know it.
4) But between our rigid walls of muscle and bone lies something – lies similarity.
5) Our are as I am. In then looking at you I see a mirrored me. I see an also me.
6) You animate hat face, and that mirror of me comes back to me.
7) I look to you and see in your face what my own feelings might have been if they were inscribed in this manner on my face.
8) I react accordingly.
9) Between you and I waves then the communication of blanked bodies. The body weave.
10)Back and forth runs the weave as you are imagined me and I in a you.
11) And yet of course at no point I this change is there anything lie communication. Imagine your face firmly from my own momentary expression.
12)I therefore think what of my expressions now is given that face What are they are thinking in that face if they were me in my current torrid mass of feelings.
13) My feelings are therefore echoed into you face and I react accordingly. tour act likewise.
14)You do the same. We are then caught up in a endless and rather disagreeable exchange. We assert ourselves in a tangential manner- though the echo of the other (and other reasons to it).
15) We feel this is conversation. We feel this is a something… And it is it is sighted onanisms. As through you I create or give birth to other mess- the lusts I also have
16)Between us, the skew of me I see in you, I create something real – I create another echoes me.
17) But the problem of course whether anyone world really wan such n orphaned child/
18) You ones this figure which is not quite me and certainly never you. The orphan of this exchange?
19)This is a real question, as with an owner there monsters of mind have habit of making their own way across lives; they take over their creators and drive them elsewhere.
20) A process which is of course fair enough (what else is life for) and yet one which needs always to be mediated upon and through…
The Cherubic-face and the lovely lady.
1)perhaps it might be better to start elsewhere.
2)Perhaps one ought to being with the face itself, and not this weave (which reflects the problem of depth). If one starts on a ace, the problem always comes where does you face lad me.
3) I watch and rematch it as your and…
4) I am in a bay or harbour of the mind.
5) In ti are ships, and one each ship is different world or life.
6)I am married to Mr. wrong or right: I am in china: I a workhouse I am…
7) My meaning is blended into your reactions your expressions. Into the echoes of worlds in your face.
8) We then dream the same if you do the same.
9)We send ourselves of journeys in imagination, as our passions echo an build new thoughts, thoughts we get (as affects) for the other.
10)That is the exchange the feeling my watching your face (and its changes) builds within a me, becomes an excuse to build a new world.
11)the feeling falls from without, and becomes that same as the world I breadth life into. It becomes what and where I build what I am.
12)That is the outside o a passion enfolds world I create in a me to house or rehouse that outside- that thing picked up from you without ever really knowing it.
13)We become then the master of the oceans of the mind Captains of a fake destiny, as we sit and talk in a little restaurant in Greenwich.
14) We therefore forge a fantastical world together. A world of no power or merit – for I remain a shabby clerk, and you a beautiful gold digger.
15) But together we are something else. We are the gateway to a thousand fantasies and echoes.
16)More than that this is something in these echoes. Or say they are pure fantasy is never quite right. In the oddities of actuality these fantasies often harbour elements or splinters of truth. That is elements which cannot be considered same in fantasies – elements of a truth unnerves and unwished – a truth that needs one allowed for or included, ad yet which cannot yet inhabit a world sae in such fantasy.
17) We might then chat and chant, but there is always also other meaning in this chat.
18)Our friendship is therefore worthy something to both of us – it is also worth the world(s) to what is between us, but is also a point of mysticism,
19)Somewhere between us other communication is happening. Something between us is coming. It will be their. We might sit in that little restaurant in nineteenth century Greenwich, and yet It I coming- and is our talk we might first gain news of that arrival. That is we might learn what and where that thing is, and what it will be for us. We chat, but as we chat we are also lessoning to other elements – other voices.
20) Our fantasy might in another sense be real. Or better it echoes into other reals. It echoes onto what did return from the sea – a harm or a corpse of a friend or a lover). It opens up to other conversation we will have latter when this memory this thought her and now will be used to build a picture of the world, and a mirror what latter came.
21)Our fantasy is therefore the stuff of tomorrows reality – it is the echo that tomorrow takes up, its words, with which it announces a presence.
Mercenary Wretch.
1)What can then destroy this ice little calm picture? What drags it back to reality.
2) Fantasy is fine as long as it is never owned. That is as long a you and an I do not really believe in it.
3) The problems start if one of us wants to own it.
4) That is if life has banged on and on and on such that we start to believe our own propaganda: we start to think that it is real or true- or at leas that possibility to make it as real and true really ought to be ours.
5)We started therefore to want what we do not have.
6) Worse than that we must always use others to bet that want.
7)Our desire becomes then located within the using of others means and others lives. We become fixed on wealth of possibility.
8) This of course changes everything as the exchange shifts value: what was unequal in it becomes equal, and what was unequal becomes fixed.
9)That is where before we in a real (if limited exchange). That is our dreams challenged and re-challenged each other. We went soewhere0 anywhere. We opened up world in or listening or talking to each other. We went places.
10) This world of difference is lose in the wealth of society. It becomes fixed in the realized norms of riveted possibilities In the veneering table or in Podsnappery. – we have our possibility taken up and made as social. It become then the business of everyone and anyone. It becomes generalized, and rendered bland.
11) We all…go on a gap yea, aspire to be middle class, like MacDonald’s.
12) We all… by doing it rob it of any power or any specialises. We all become located and fixed in the a me world. the actual ability then to conjure up new- or allow for something hidden to become is actually lost.
13) The world of the possible becomes oddly bland and meaningless. It ceases really to matter at all. It becomes a nothing – a no important. I mere factor of society.
14)At the same time the difference itself is also caught within money. What was after all so magic at that table in Greenwich was the wealth of life ht lay before a you and an I.
15)We might be as anything – poor or rich – who cares? All that spun was he change (and the strange voices that allow that change or prompt it0. But now?
16)All that matters is what allows in its bland form the world of socialized and regulated possibility.
17) All that matters then is wealth. The single currency of possibility.
18)If one has money than will be enough (no matter how vulgar or nasty or merely limited one s0.One is respectable (well just so long as one flaunts it a bit). One becomes someone (on matter who one is).
19)To have money is therefore one ought to be a thing – to be a person to be a someone who is and you matters tot he world.
20)The neat little world of the fantasy – the conversation is then lost within the noisy stroppy echoes, the demands of society.
21)But what could make one want such a world?
22)Here then answer is boringly predictable – it is always disappointment that drives the dream to its own suicide in society.
23)One can live the life one has- one is always happy in fantasy, as longs that fantastical is never itself exposed to actuality. If it is then of course it changes.
24)Here one needs caution. One needs care about what is being exposed here. The fantasy itself by itself is moribund and pointless. We dream and so what? We also fart.
25) The problem is that this fantasy has within it echoes of something else- god knows what. The problem then comes, the challenge when one thinks for a glorious moment that other world has arrived.
26)One fantasies will then be real.
27) One is there – the dream is alive.
28)The problem the disappointment is then when this resolution of the future collapses into.
29) Into what – despair> Or another version of the same dream or what exactly?
30) How can one loose sight to that fantasy?
31) Where can it go/ How can the future be withdrawn/
32)We loose the future that appeared to resolve everything – that is loss indeed.
33)How could it be otherwise and where can one go to cope with that loss? the only place at this point is normality. The normalise the only reality that makes good all loos.
34)If one can be special in the normal world one will or course include in its very universality elements of the lost world – the dream one thought one was. One becomes then able to include the fantasy once again.
35)Disappointment is all the more bitter because what it looses is the future that was resolving. No wonder the loss of that future blinds one. How could it do nothing else –a s one fantasies were caught up into that future.
36) One is therefore lost with it and through it – and all that one is sure about are the disjointed lusts that future appeared to settle
37)that is the desires for wealth and fame that went with it. It is then in these desires that we try to claw back what had been ours – if only for a movement.
38) The trouble of course is that in exploding ourselves in our lusts and demanding others sing their song- we risk losing that future we thought we had lost for good. That is we loose the chance for a redemption.
39)A heavy enough price to pay