Have You Been Branded?

‘This brand is enjoyable to use 

This brand helps me achieve the look I want 

This brand helps me look my best 

This brand helps me to look well groomed 

This brand helps me to express my individuality 

This brand helps me to underline my own personality 

This brand makes me feel like I'm doing the best for myself 

This brand makes me feel confident 

This brand gives me the style I need, so I can concentrate on the important things in life 

This brand inspires me to experiment with my look 

This brand makes me feel attractive to others 

This brand makes me feel like a smart shopper 

I feel like this brand acts in my best interest 

I love this brand’ 

This brand was tested on primates

This brand chopped down rainforest

This brand prompted an oil slick

This brand added to landfill

This brand polluted a river

This brand endangered a species

This brand employs slave labour

This brand releases chemicals into drinking water

This brand treats its workers like shit

This brand stops the poor growing crops

This brand uses palms that make desertification

This brand helps to melt some more of the icecaps

This brand makes my blood run cold

This brand I wouldn’t touch with a bargepole….

This brand is just a cheap trick, boring trivia that no one who gave it any thought for more than five minutes would think of buying, is unnecessary, and isn’t even beautiful, is tasteless or bad for you, or full of chemical nothings, bollocks and bits of brain, its cultural value zero, is wasteful, ends up in the tip, is the end result of a chain of command which has ceased to identify any person as responsible for any consequences, is a get out clause, is an abdication from making any effort, is a slap in the face of real food, and those who produce it, of quality goods, vitriol in the eye for all those who ask a fair wage, for reasonable conditions and work, is the lie that we are basically all alright really, is the blot on the landscape, is the broken link in unjoined up government, is everything you never wanted, is the proof that we are all careering headlong toward an abyss…

    ‘The Bonus Track’ from The Book of Offences - a set of sideways, upsidedown, inside-out, lateral and literal looks and glances at culture, society, and stuff generally. Through the tunnel of distorting mirrors, the Book of Offences tries to tell you your real trouser size...without being too offensive about it, of course.