22 hypothesis worse than death?
Or hw an I became trapped in somewhere else.
1)There are many things worse than death.
2)live is about secretes. Things I do not tell you. Things I am ashamed of, of do not want even my nearest and dearest to find out. My secret is therefore precious time. It might be good it might be bad: it is productive. I need it. I need you not to worry too much about it. I will not tell you anyway. I will deny. And DENY and DENY the truth…
3)Excessive order annihilates the mind. My secret is caught within the pigeon holes of an order if bore mind. The world becomes without it ones are devalued. It is pointless as a mechanic.
4)Jealousy of brothers for their sisters is a sterile affair. It breaks into a mind. This thought, this ambition is mine- you cannot have it!. No mater we are going in the same direction. Ono matter if the world changed we might both be different. I am here, by my own effort, and I want to do this thing. I am therefore prepared to destroy everything in my desire. If you have the sae dream you are wrong or you must die. This dream is mine you here, mine.
5)This has a corollary – if I am educated one then this is the way. There is no reason or room for difference – how could there be? These are the same. My education must be yours – and your difference from me is death.
6) My ambition is therefore I its bright hope and inflexibility to be respected – and sod you if you do not – you are as death to me anyway – so who cares?
7)Boredom which keeps you and I as pathless, destroys a life. Or better it makes us utterly unable to space the life we are in. He might need school masters and yet note able to grasp their worth.
8)To face the person who you would wish to be but cannot. To face the other s the orbit of love for another. To be under the same roof, with that which can only explode into jealous, that which can offer nothing, not even hope, and be able to do or say nothing. To have every option closed down, every hope of owning and allowing removed or destroyed – that is punishment indeed.
9) To live within a means of respectability, and to be only allowed to escape it by being despised. To feel that one will always be despised because the vacuum that is in hearts – the lack of anything central or fixed or respectable. To then face someone capable to waggling that terror, and dissolving one in jealousy.
10) The be frozen in a profession, and have the profession freeze one out of other ways to relate, other lives. One is then utterly contained and unable to explode. One cannot be anything. Ones options are utterly closed down and caught. One is in a trap. God rot a soul.
11)When ones own attempts to escape, or ones own little triumphs, ones own little life, comes up against the forces that that which will not understand it – or ever want to. All the little triumphs and disappears of a life are suspended into loneliness. One is alone because elsewhere in ones own right one is a success. One is thereby utterly caught.
12) To be the dragged down in company one cannot relate to- however that company is manifest. One cannot live and one cannot do anything other than be caught. One is a creature in a society and nothing more is given. One might build escapes, but one can never use them.
13) To be lost within the maze of love without help or advance or any way out. This riddle without answer seeps up lives, and opens one to enemies. This is why it is best kept a little secret between a you and a me. Where else can it be?
14)We might be together on this one- and yet our love turns us into rivals. Worse than that w are the kind of rivals that never otherwise meet. We cannot understand each other. We are therefore open to the worse of cruelty from the other. The cruelty that they only place we meet is the point at which we love. We only meet then in being jealous of the other. Everything else about us is configured through this being as jealous. We have no other point or purpose but it and through it. It is us – our relation. But this is bitter jealous, stripped bare of any rhyme or reason or limit – we go for each other – we attempt to tear the other to shreds.
15)Your death one way or other is my realize. I am hypnotized into hatred. And everything else about me goes by the board, and ought to be destroyed!
16)We are both then monomaniacs both know that to the other we exist only as something to crush and destroy. He look at each others death in our eyes, and defy one another in that death. How could it be different.
17)Hatred then bubbles up, a hatred stronger that almost every force safe life. For it is a hated to the death: mine or yours. I in that hatred internalize in my hate of you, my your hatred for myself. I see my own worthlessness. In hating you I hate me. I become utterly violent and unable to live in the consequence of the violence.
18) But still we cannot act. How can we? We cannot even row safe by proxy. We hate and yet our hate is hidden. All the weight of property and respecting the form of things lie between a me and my hatred. How is it different? How is it other?
19) We hate and yet do not like each other enough to fight. The hate devalues then that which limits our life as well. Our own social circle is caught in its ruin. In hating you and in loathing myself in the prism of that hatred I also hate my life.
20) I might have hated it anyway. But then it might have clung onto it an anyway it is the only life I currently know.
21) To hate becomes then to be lost in a greying dusk of loathing. The hate spreads up the river of my life, and takes be over. I becomes gripped by a you, who remain other than me, and which I only relate tin in hatred.
22) This gripping then of course infuses all my dealing with the on I love. The hate and the love become caught together – and it will be up to the loved one to resolve it.
23) I am lost to my own dignity therefore. lost to my own identity. I become a living death of passion and loathing.
24) There are many things worse than death.